On frayed knots
6 Oct 2024
See all posts
On frayed knots
It's a strange feeling.
The complexity of, in one universe, wanting to be left in solitude fueled by the remorse of being a trainwreck and further because of unfounded hunches, anchored by the anchor of not wanting to further create rifts (but to bridge them), "terrified to the soul" by the thought that the knot was replaced by a rather frayed one, now held very loosely together by strands which simply may have not existed, but still yet at comfort because they do, all the while being grounded to the core with the question that "is this how you thank the universe?", sadly perplexed about the absurdity of it all (and what it means), still deliberating whether to "rage, rage against" or simply to let time and that same universe do its thing.
And of the seemingly contradictory limbo existence of wanting to be secluded but never alone, faced with the jarring but subtle realization that it is indeed a contradiction - one that perhaps i can't handle, but seeing this small part of my world trying to do exactly that, making me very overwhelmed by the troubling possibility of the inevitability of when that would suddenly and perhaps righteously stop (has it already?), confused and confused what the heart is really saying, if it is saying anything at all; regrettably, ashamedly but desperately yearning for both of those universes. And lastly, facing the giant wall of objectivity, unsure to even feel or not.
Am I contradicting myself? Very well. then. I contradict myself.
On frayed knots
6 Oct 2024 See all postsIt's a strange feeling.
The complexity of, in one universe, wanting to be left in solitude fueled by the remorse of being a trainwreck and further because of unfounded hunches, anchored by the anchor of not wanting to further create rifts (but to bridge them), "terrified to the soul" by the thought that the knot was replaced by a rather frayed one, now held very loosely together by strands which simply may have not existed, but still yet at comfort because they do, all the while being grounded to the core with the question that "is this how you thank the universe?", sadly perplexed about the absurdity of it all (and what it means), still deliberating whether to "rage, rage against" or simply to let time and that same universe do its thing.
And of the seemingly contradictory limbo existence of wanting to be secluded but never alone, faced with the jarring but subtle realization that it is indeed a contradiction - one that perhaps i can't handle, but seeing this small part of my world trying to do exactly that, making me very overwhelmed by the troubling possibility of the inevitability of when that would suddenly and perhaps righteously stop (has it already?), confused and confused what the heart is really saying, if it is saying anything at all; regrettably, ashamedly but desperately yearning for both of those universes. And lastly, facing the giant wall of objectivity, unsure to even feel or not.
Am I contradicting myself? Very well. then. I contradict myself.